Comments on: Am I overreacting? What should I do?

By: bridetobe

bridetobe — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 01:57:27 +0000

Sticky situation. I actually got engaged about 5 days before a friend of mine, we are/were in each other weddings as well. We both had been anticipating an engagement, but didn’t realize they’d happen so close to each other. I actually learned not to talk to her about my wedding until hers was over (mine is after hers). I went ahead and helped her do a lot for her wedding, and now that one is behind us, she has been helpful w/ mine (except now mine is basically planned). I hope you have the same type of luck, you don’t want your friendship to go sour over this situation. As far your particular questions, I think that if she’s assuming you’d do things and hasn’t asked, I think it’s ok to politely bow out on account that you have things to do and other obligations as well. Otherwise, take it as a compliment that she expects you to do her hair/makeup and programs – that means she trusts you and your taste, which is hard for a bride to do, as you should now know. Good Luck.

By: corin_li

corin_li — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 21:54:28 +0000

Her fiance is being a jack***. He should understand that the rest of the world is not going to wait a year and a half for them to get married before anyone else gets engaged, and that a month earlier engagement doesn’t make them superior or give them priority.
I’m guessing from the looks of it that she’s feeling the same tension you are here though. You need to sit down and civilly discuss both of your issues and that you do not want to have a competition. If you each try on the same dress, big deal, chances are you won’t both want it. Both of you can consider the same items, and nothing is off limits, her favorites or yours, until someone decides on it. But also you don’t want it to be a race to who decides first. If you both supply each other with input and feedback you should be able to decide on two unique styles. Maybe sit down and discuss specifically how you would like to make your weddings different (seasons/colors/themes/styles). Both of you remember it’s the marriage, not the wedding, that’s most important.
If you can’t share ideas AND help each other then you need to not include each other in planning, so you can each come up with ideas independently and nothing is “stolen.” It may be harder but there will be less strain on your friendship at the end.
I do think you should help her with her workout and wedding day though because, even though she probably should have consulted you before scheduling on your birthday, it’s already done and she is still a close friend. You have birthdays every year (you can still celebrate on another day), you only get married once. If you don’t help her, you can’t expect her to be there to help you on your wedding day.
The best ways to make a wedding your own are to add signature things (like signature drinks, or including a certain monogram, pattern or design in all your decorating) and replace traditions (we are mixing music ourselves so it will have more of certain 50’s-80’s stuff and we are having an ice cream bar instead of cake, we make the first scoop!).

By: Kristy

Kristy — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 12:02:59 +0000

Wow, you guys don’t sound like very good friends. Whatever happened to being HAPPY for each other and more than willing to help each other out? Sounds like you need to get a grip… She is allowed to be excited and so are you. If you don’t want to talk about weddings with her, then don’t. You are taking everything personally, stop making everything about YOU and try being a good friend instead… Sheesh!

Good luck!

By: Blunt

Blunt — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 05:04:45 +0000

You are her MOH/BM. That’s what the wedding party is for.

Be a friend or piss off.

PS/ Not everything is about YOU

By: Serenity

Serenity — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 00:41:09 +0000

You referred to your friend as “a friend of mine”. So I must take it for granted she is not your best friend. You have to ask yourself, “what do you want to do?”. I would tell her you cannot do her hair and makeup because you’ll only be able to attend the wedding and will be able to attend the reception only for a little while, because your family is having a birthday celebration for you and you got to get back home pronto. (I hope your flying). Also, keep your wedding plans to yourself, then she won’t have anything to make comments about. If she ask you anything just say “I don’t know as of yet what my exact plans are”. As far as a work out plan, make her a work out plan and send it to her in the mail. Tell her to also check out some work out coaches in her area. I also believe that she is trying to save money by getting you to do her hair and work out plan. Be very nice when you tell her no. If she get Bitchy, than you’ll also find out that she is not a real friend.

By: DigitalDiva

DigitalDiva — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 09:03:00 +0000

To me, it really sounds like you are taking things too personally. How old are all of you? You sound young … and if you aren’t, then you are acting it.

If you are such good friends, then you should all be happy for each other and willing to help each other. The fact that you didn’t want to help with her in the wedding in the beginning because you were sad your fiance hadn’t yet proposed is just plain immature and if you were my friend, I sure wouldn’t ask you to partake in my wedding planning or bridal party.

You all need to get over yourselves. You are all getting married and it should be a happy time.

By: Kristy

Kristy — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 16:20:30 +0000

I understand where you care coming from, but I do think you are over reacting a bit. Shes your friend and I’m sure she will do things for you and your wedding too. Try to enjoy the moment and share it together. I wish I had a friend that was getting married or planning a wedding right now so I would have someone to talk to about it.

It takes two to compete, so just don’t allow her to turn it into a competition. If it really upsets you that much then just cut her out of your life, but makes sure thats what you want becuase a good friend is hard to come by.

By: B2B 04/11/09

B2B 04/11/09 — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 11:28:57 +0000

Sounds like your friend is really excited about her wedding (it is a new engagement) and you are being a downer. She just wants to share the planning experience with her. Instead of being petty or jealous or mean spirited, be happy together. You’re engaged too! Yay! As far as being on your birthday, that’s not something you should expect her to plan around. If you can’t make it, tell her, but don’t expect her to change her date because of it. I’m sure it wasn’t done on purpose. And for the dress, odds are ya’ll will both be trying on a number of the ’same’ dresses, but I bet the odds are against ya’ll choosing the same dress. Again, be happy for her and yourself. Share advice!

By: Spindrift

Spindrift — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 10:41:53 +0000

Dump her, she is not your friend, way too petty and self centered.

By: Alicia

Alicia — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 10:48:45 +0000

hmm thats tough. i would (as hard as it will be) stop showing her your ideas for things you want. and as far as helping her with her workout plan and stuff.. just tell her you feel to overwhelmed to take on more wedding stuff. you have got enough to think about with just your wedding. but congrats on your engagement! try not to stress to much and even though its hard remember the wedding is not the biggest part of the whole thing.