How am I suppose to plan my own wedding, with no help, at only 23 years old.while keeping a $5,000 budget?
Sometimes I wonder if it’s suppose to be like this. How much help did/are you guys get/getting when planning your wedding. With my small budget, I don’t even know if it can be done! I have the perfect venue…but it’s the kind where you get the venue, tables, chairs…and that’s it for 8 hours. It’s good because we are able to stock our own bar and don’t have any limitations as far as catering and things like that go…but even though my family and fiance SAY they will help, every time I try to talk about it (and maybe I am starting to talk about it too much but if I had a sense of safety knowing that they will pull through when needed I wouldn’t feel the need for these constant reminders) but no one seems to want to go there. I am a bit overwhelmed. My bridesmaids are all busy with their own lives, many like me, have small children and are barely making it by in this sluggish economy so I feel bad asking for much. I mean, as far as the girls go I’ll be lucky if they will put out much more than $60 for a dress. (And they are all very picky, but I’m trying to make them all happy.) I guess what I’m saying is how is it all going to pull through? I’m a crafty and artistic individual, so I’m know I can get the centerpieces and style aspects done very cheaply yet chic (I’m going with a rustic, vintage kind of farmhouse feel…) but as far as how everything is going to be put in place the day of, set up, taken down…I don’t want to be doing it all myself on the day of. I will do a lot, but I can’t do it all! My fiance and all his friends, I know, will take care of the sound and DJ-ing aspects because they all do that on the side. My fiance also works with many people with catering connections….but isn’t really doing much but asking for names and not following through with finding out websites or prices…
I guess, what I am asking is, how do I approach everyone without seeming like a “bridezilla”? I mean, I really know that I CAN do it, but another factor is that my parents are doing what they can to pay for things…but not really giving me a budget and every time I suggest something they ask me…but how is this going to happen on the day of? Whose going to take care of it? (They suggested this whole ‘real’ wedding thing as well, just so you know. I never expected them to want to pay for my wedding. I always figured it would be a courthouse thing…) I don’t know these answers if no one is willing to put a little more effort into it!!! I will suggest something like, well we could hire this wedding planner that charge $300 for 40 hours of service. (Which includes some hours for dress fittings or taste testings or plain old seating charts and things like that before the day…and then the rest of the hours are for the day of. You know, helping things rudysfunctionalthat everything is set up, delegating jobs, making sure the time line runs appropriately. That after I “exit” that things get cleaned up.) But every time I suggest this to my (quite disfunctional family, honestly) they act like, “Are you kidding me, you want to spend $300 on having someone do what?” Who do they think is going to do all this?
I guess I just need some advice…opinions…ways to approach this situation. I’m about to loose my head. Sometimes I feel like calling it off. The other side of it is, when I try and make cheap shortcuts, like suggest having no flowers,relativestain drinks…general things you can do to trim costs…my father in particular reminds me that we have family coming from all around the world (I am from England originally and we have realtives across the country as well coming.) and that he wants it to be a really nice event. I don’t think anyone realizes that it’s how smoothly things run, how organized it is…that is what is going to make for the best time! The glitz and glam come last to me…I would rather make sure there is a nice place, good food, drinks and no one running around wondering what to do and whose suppose to do what?! UGH.
Thanks Wifeforlife, but I wasn’t asking whether or not you thought I was ready for marriage.
Thanks to everyone else though! There are very helpful suggestions and sites to work with!
Possibly Related Posts:
- Where can i find a professional wedding planer?
- Care package to mail bride (best friend) to mellow her stress while planning wedding and on wedding day?
- should I hire a wedding planner?
- Who else had a horrible wedding mishap?
- Wedding Rip Off in Gran Canaria, what do you think?
stephistewart.com & freeweddingclassifieds.com
If you can’t plan a wedding, if you can’t afford a wedding planner, if your family is undependable, if your father wants certain things but can’t pay for them, if your friends have no exeprience with weddings and can’t help, if you don’t even have the good sense to pick up a wedding planning magazine and go through things step by step for your budget – then – sighhhh – you are not ready for marriage.
Weddingwire.com helps you alot, it gives you the names of hundreds of vendors and their location its pretty easy, just try it.
Sensory overload. You are freaking out LOL! Ok, deep breath. Relax.
You can plan a wedding on $5000 budget. I’m doing it. Keep in mind, though, you will have to cut ALOT out of the wedding. We’re doing minimal flowers and minimal decorations and using as many natural elements as we can (i.e. the venue is outdoors, the centerpieces are river rocks, etc).
Check out venues that INCLUDE your tables, chairs and linens. If you can, have the wedding and reception either at the same place or close by.
About everyone else who is giving you grief and are picky, this is your day. You can firmly put your foot down without going “bridezilla” on anyone. If they refuse to wear the jewelry you picked out, fine. They won’t wear it. If the parents want to invite great auntie Phyllis because she’s the sister-in-law of your husband’s brother’s second cousin’s mom and you can’t afford it, then say so (even if they tell you that she really needs to be invited). Just say “Thank you for the suggestion. I would like to invite her but it is simply not in my budget. I would really like for our closest family and friends to be there on our special day.” You can be cordial about everything. Just be the “bigger person”.
Relax. Take lots and lots of hot, quiet bubble baths and treat yourself to a mimosa and spa peidcure. It will be ok
I told my bride-to-be “If I have to put up with and pay for all this crap, its never going to happen”
We got married at the county courthouse 28 years ago. MIL and brother-in-law were witnesses, told my parents we were getting married the day after.
Breaking the bank for a one-day party isn’t necessary.
sweetie have you ever thought about eloping? just the two of you? its much easier, no one but yourselves to please, and if no one is willing to help you out i would give it serious consideration. for your money you could have a wonderful elopement/honeymoon and to heck with everyone else who doesn’t want to be bothered.
sorry but thats what i would do! and if anyone complained about it i’d have no problem telling them why!
Take a trip to Las Vegas and get married in one of those drive-in places. It’s just as legal and will cost you a lot less.
i’m at work, so i don’t have time to read everything, but here’s my advice:
resist the urge to do anything elaborate. keep things extremely simple. have the ceremony and the recepetion in the same venue. serve appetizers, instead of a full meal. have one signature drink, instead of an open bar.
make your wedding a celebration of love, and not some monstrous occasion designed to impress people. if you impress them, do it by having a tastefully executed simple affair that allowed people to spend a day talking and laughing and dancing and socializing with other people, and wishing you well in your marriage.
when you’re older and you have the funds, you can have another wedding–the one of your dreams. for now, be true to who you are right now. don’t ruin this experience by attempting the ill-advised. create a clear vision of an elegant, simple affair, and work it.
First off let me say. It’s going to be okay. As a bridesmaid several times over I’ve gotten brides through rougher situations then this. Your friends and family love you. Have you pick a maid of honor yet? Décor says that a lot of the things you need to do are their job. It’s their job to come with you and I’m not against hiring a wedding planner. I plan to. (Insert pun here) They take so much pressure off you and think of the little things that we forget. First the dresses, guess what, it’s PROM SEASON! Yeah! Pretty dresses and they can spend as much or as little as they’re comfortable with. If your friends are really picky then an idea is to go to a store, pick a color and tell them they can pick any dress with the specifications. Such as color, length, sleeves, then they get to pick the dress but you get the uniformity. But just ask for final say on the dress. Does that make sense? As for being bridezilla, it’s okay you can be firm without going crazy. One of my friends had a day once a week that she and her fiancée’ sat down and talked about wedding plans. She said it made it so easier on them as a couple because he knew that on this one day a week his mind needed to be focused on her and the wedding. The flower thing, use silk flowers! They cut cost and you can make the arrangements yourself. My sister and I did it as part of her bridesmaid’s party. The five of us sat around making all the arrangements and drinking and just talking. It was such a nice thing to do. I loved it and it made me really feel like a part of the wedding. As for organization Sam (not her real name but you know) and I sat down and wrote down EVERYTHING that had to be done and then assigned jobs to everyone. Wrote them notes on pretty stationary and they were more than willing to help. Sometimes people want to help but they don’t know how to. I hope this helps.
From a girl who could inspire 27 Dresses.
oh my goodness it is for sure do-able .
i did mine.. and stayed under the 5,000 i set.. more like just at 5000 (i was 19 when i got married just last october.)
and my sister in law did hers under 5000 (she was around 19 or 20 i think too)
try these websites =]
Based on your budget, I would do a civil ceremony (Justice of the peace). Afterwards, you could have a huge party by renting a cheap space (Knights of Columbus, Veterans Halls, etc) and stock it as you please (kind of how you mentioned before.) and inviting all your guests. This way, the bridesmaids don’t have to worry about $ for a dress, you don’t have to stress out as much, and everyone has a good time. If they insist on a “real wedding” you could have a officiant do the ceremony on site for you. If you want the bridesmaids to be able to afford a dress, you could just decide on a color and tell them to get whatever dress they desire (within their budget) as long as it’s a specific color. They could even pull out a dress that they already own if it happens to fit your color scheme. As for the set up and break down of the reception site, you could ask the manager of the place where you decide to have your event if they have anyone who does all this stuff (setting up, breaking down, clean up etc.) Many placesd already include this in their service fee to you. If they don’t, ask them how much it would be to get it done. (Usually $100 extra.) You don’t want to have to worry about this stuff on your speacial day. If you want, you could also hire a “Day of Coordinaotr”. You could run through your “day of plans” with this person and they will see that it gets done. This is cheaper than hiring a full out Wedding Planner. IAlso, if you rent a hall that allows outside catering, you can get great cheap catering and liquor from places such as Costco or Sam’s Club. As for your dress, you could find a nice white dress it doesn’t need to be a wedding dress per se. Check out Macys or other department stores. Also hit the sales racks. You never knnow! (Plus David’s Bridal is always running a $99 sale.) This will save you tons of money and you won’t need to rely on your family as much as you think you would.
Get yourself organized, buy a binder and some dividers and make yourself a wedding binder, then have another folder or binder for all the receipts your going to be collecting.
I think that once you organize your thoughts, youll be able to see clearly what it is that needs to be attended to right away, and start deligating. Tell your fiance that his job is looking into caterers, and ask him that if once a week on sundays between 3-4pm or maybe during dinner that you spend some time checking in on things about the wedding.
He needs to help you, I had this problem with my fiance, and i finally told him he needs to step up and help.
As for your bridal party, I have the same issue with mine, they are to busy to really help, and I know this so I just chose not to ask them anymore and find others in my life that are willing to offer there time to help.
Set yourself up with a list of things that need to be done, and follow this by putting a rough estimate for costs beside each one, this will give you a good idea for a budget
Slow things down, you more then likely have enough time to relax and try to enjoy this experience, if you dont you are going to loose it, so take a few deep breaths and re-organize your thoughts, ideas and plans
As for your wedding day, things will unfold naturally, dont fret about the big day things yet, people will help clean up, people will help set up, and some things wont go as planned but it wil work itself out
This is what my fiance and I did when it came to money. We asked for sponsors. We told them to give us whatever they wanted or could afford whether it be $50 or $500. If they give you money then take it and be grateful for whatever they gave you. If you want to keep things simple then keep them simple, it’s your wedding. And if your dad says, well I want things to look nice then that is when you can jump in with well how much can you and mom help me out with to make things nice, because on my budget things can be descent. Hopefully you will get an answer with that. As for your fiance tell him he needs to get on it about the catering and if he’s not going to do it then to give you the info so you can get it done. I would also suggest having a wedding in a garden so you can worry less about decorations because nature is the best decoration there is. I would not suggest getting a wedding planner. That’s a luxury if you could afford it and had a big budget, but you don’t so I would say drop that idea. Talk to your family and tell them that you need there support whether it be going to try on dresses with you or going with you to taste the cake. If your bridesmaids are not on board with your ideas then I would say drop them. It is your wedding. If they are not happy with the dress then tough *&$#. Kick them out. I know they are probably good friends with you, but they should be on your side and willing to do what you want because it’s your day. Who cares if there picky tell them to get over it. I can understand about the dresses, but a lot of places offer lay away and if you get on it they can pay their dress of quick before your wedding date. Also to cut down on some expenses invite only close friends and family to the wedding. Try and keep it to a minimum so you can save on chair cost. As for the reception then you can invite just friends and co-workers etc… I hope your family really helps you and gives you the support a bride needs during all this time of planning. They should be there for you and it seems like they dont want to be. I hope everything works out and I hope there was something I said that could help you alittle. Good Luck.
take it easy! im 23 and im planning a wedding that is going to be 4 states away! and im doing it all myself. just stay calm. i know it can make you insane. my advice is that if you like something go with it and dont ask what everyone else thinks because no one will agree and it will make you crazy! just get a wedding planning book..maybe some do it your self books and serf the internet..thats all i did. good luck
Take a deep breath!
Since no one is helping, spend the money for the wedding planner. You can’t do this yourself, so don’t. Check around and interview the wedding planners in your area. Choose the one who you feel most comfortable with, because you’re going to be spending a lot of time with her/him.
You know you have $5,000. So, budget for that amount. If your father wants to have ” a really nice event,” so he can show off for the out of town relatives he better open his checkbook and pony up what you need. If his idea of a “really nice event” is the same as my husband’s, you’re looking at $100+ per guest, depending on where you live.
If people want to be negative and judgmental, quit discussing your plans with them. Tell them, “I’m taking care of it,” and refuse to discuss it with them further.
The knot is a really good resource. You have to register, but it has a budget planner. You put in the number of guests & your budget and it tells you “about” what you should spend on various items.
As far as bridesmaid dresses, don’t worry about “making them happy, ” because someone is going to biatch no matter what you do. Hit the mall and look at prom dresses at the department stores. You should be able to find something YOU like that will look good on your bridesmaids at a reasonable price. Keep an eye on them for sales & markdowns as well. Let them know what you’re doing, because you might have to put them on hold and have them pay for them and pick them up within a 24 hour period.
It’s going to be fine. Get a planner to help you and it will come together.
((hugs))