Yogachick asked:


A friend of mine got engaged just after Christmas, and immediately started planning her wedding, and asking me for my opinion about everything, even after I told her that it reminded me that my boyfriend hadn’t proposed (and it kind of hurt).

Well, it turns out he was waiting to allow her time in the spotlight, and we are now engaged. When I told her, she congratulated me, and said that if I had my own wedding to plan, she should find a new maid of honor. She also posted pictures of her engagement ring 4 days after my fiance and I got engaged (2-3 days after we started telling non-family members).

She’s also told me that she isn’t getting her makeup done professionally, because she’ll probably just get me to do it for the wedding (please note that her wedding is on my birthday, 2 states away from my hometown, and my family really makes a big deal about celebrating birthdays as a family, all of which she knew before scheduling the birthday).

Now, I should point out that I’m a personal trainer and she’s been asking me to design a workout program for her, and saying that she wishes she didn’t have to work so she could plan her wedding all day (it’s not for a year and a half). Usually she says this when we talk online, her from work and me from home (as a personal trainer, my work has been slow due to the economy, and my hours have never been 9-5, more like 5:30-10 and 4-8), and I can’t help but take the remark personally (my fiance makes enough to support us both).

And when I ask her opinion on my wedding, she’ll answer “cute” or “pretty” or “nice”, then talk about herself. Once, I showed her a wedding dress I loved, and she added it to the list of dresses she’s going to try on (her wedding is before mine).

Also, a family friend of mine works as a wedding planner, and volunteered to help me come up with ideas, venues, etc, for my wedding, and my friend is giving me lists of questions to ask the wedding planner for her.

My fiance is worried that this will turn into a competition (her parents are paying for her wedding), and I’m determined not to let that happen, but beyond not talking to her, I’m not sure what to do.

And she’s usually the calmer, stabler one of the two of us, so I’m not sure our friends will be much help in resolving the issue (beyond telling me I’m being silly). Am I a b***h for not wanting to design a workout program for her, and do her hair and makeup for her wedding on my birthday, as well as wanting her to respect my wedding and engagement (when she told her fiance that I was engaged, he said my fiance and I were “copycats”) and not use it as a resource to find ideas and dresses?
We are all young.

While I let her know that it hurt to help her plan her wedding, I did offer her advice when asked.

I don’t mind doing things for her, but she isn’t asking, she’s assuming (she asked if I’d designed her program yet, and informed me that I’d most likely be doing her makeup and hair).
I am not her MOH. She never asked me to be, and when she found out I was engaged, told me that she was picking someone else, because I was getting married.
She is also in my wedding party, which is making her unwillingness to help while simultaneously giving me a bunch of stuff to do that much more aggravating.

I’m also newly engaged (and my fiance was considerate enough to give her a little over a month to enjoy her engagement), and while I understand about being happy for her, it’s hard to be happy for someone who said you couldn’t be their MOH because you got engaged, without being a bit upset.
I have offered suggestions for simple exercises she can do without equipment, and given her links to the diet/exercise sites I use for ideas, and to plan my own workout (instead of telling her exactly what, for how long, at what intensity, with what weight/resistance).