lisa asked:


Long story short– my best friend Kate has another best friend Sandi. Both Sandi and I have been best friends with Kate basically our entire lives. At least ten years or so. (We’re 20) Anyway, Kate always would divide her time equally between the two of us. The school year she hung around with Sandi more because they always went to the same school, and in the summer she hung around with me more because we work together and live closer to eachother. So this summer, she literally has been hanging out with Sandi every day and I haven’t seen her since Memorial Day weekend when we went to the beach for the whole. So anyway, we made plans to go to the beach tomorrow about a week ago. She wrote it in her planner (she writes everything in her planner) and said she had no other plans. Then yesterday she found out she had her grandma’s birthday so she told me she couldn’t come. Fine, understandable. I’m not going to make you miss your grandma’s birthday. But then she said she would rather go to
the beach and told her dad to tell her grandma she had work. So I said that’s fine too, and the plans were back on. Now, she is teling me she can’t come because she has to go to Sandi’s friend’s BBQ. So then:
Me: “You have to go to your friend’s friend’s BBQ?”
Her: “Well this has been planned for over a month
& I completely forgot! Sandi just reminded me. If I canceled I would be ditching her.”
Me: “Well, now you’re ditching me. It’s fine. You see Sandi every day and haven’t seen me in weeks but you can go to your friend’s friend’s BBQ.”
Her: “You can’t be mad, this has been planned for over a month.”
Me: “It obviously wasn’t that important to you if you forgot about it and it wasn’t even written in your planner.”

Who’s right here? Even though it was planned longer, she forgot about it. And she cancelled going out to dinner for her GRANDMA’S BIRTHDAY but she can’t cancel this?
PS. I’m not interested in answers saying “friends drift apart…” because you don’t know our friendship. I’m just interested in who you think is wrong, and why.
I guess I should also say, she also said “I would much rather go to the beach with you but I have to go, it has been planned for over a month.”

Like? If you would rather go to the beach, then come to the beach. I’m sure your friend Sandi will be okay at her friend’s BBQ without you.