The bride assumes me to be a “free labor” for her wedding?
Help needed: First of all, I don’t mind helping at a friend’s wedding. But the bride just sent out a list and assumed that I will agree to doing the tasks (mine was being a “transporter” for plants).
I know it’s her big day and once in a life time event, but for me, I still have work on that day, it’s just another day for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am still happy for her though, because it’s HER wedding.
I am not a top event planner with lots of experience, but I do work professionally at catering, such as dinners, weddings and oversee events.
I am not happy that she assumed I will be okay with being a transporter (and yes, this is the name she came up with) for the day of.
What should I do?
Thank you for your help.
What should I do?
Thanks for all your help! To answer some of your questions: I am not a bride maid, and plant transporter was the only duty assigned for the day.
Taking some of your advice, I emailed her and told her I can’t do plant transporting due to work but will take half a day off and help at the dinner. She asked if I can take the rest of the half day off!!!
I so wanted to send an email to her fiance and wish him luck marrying her.
Possibly Related Posts:
- What is the best online wedding planner?
- What do I need to become a wedding planner?
- How should i start off becoming a Wedding Planner?
- What is the best wedding and keepsake planner book available right now?
- Becoming a wedding planner where to start?
How about you just tell her you can’t do it?
if u are close to the person ok
if not go to work
This is quite tricky! First, ask yourself, is she your best friend?
Not saying that we shouldn’t help ordinary friends but if it’s for a best friend, I guess we shouldn’t complain that much!
Make it known to her that you are not happy being a plants’ transporter in a tactful manner. Is it that you do not like to shift things around, hate the title for the day, or her being ‘unreasonable’ and assuming that you will help her with moving the plants?
I suggest that it will be the best that you tell her straight on what you dislike.
You may also suggest telling her that you would like to do some other stuff instead of moving the plants. Just be nice. It’s her wedding after all! =)
Tell her, “While I’m honored to be asked to help out on your wedding day, I should let you know that I do have to work earlier in the day, and I can’t guarantee that I will be able to get your plants delivered promptly. I think you would be far better off finding someone else to transport them for you due to my tight schedule. I’m sorry for any inconvenience this may cause, but I wouldn’t want you to be left in the lurch on your big day if something comes up for me at work and I can’t be at your wedding until just beforehand.”
If you are the Maid of Honor or even a bridesmaid, this is kind of what is expected.
The bridal attendants do just that, take care of everything that the bride needs them to take care of on and in the time leading up to that special day. She chose you because she considers you to be the kind of friend who always had her back and could be counted on when she needed you. I’m sorry that Plant Transportation is such an unglamorous job, but so is holding the flower girl’s head while she throws up, and sometimes that has to be done too. I would pick up The Anti-Bride Etiquette Guide or some other similar book. They clearly outline the duties of the attendants. Then if you can’t handle it, let her know. It’s more than wearing a pretty dress, it’s an honor and a duty, or an onerous duty, your choice.
P.S. I love that you actually know how to spell and use correct grammar. It shows you to be a woman of some intelligence. Kudos!
that’s really crappy of the bride to do YOU DO NOT DO THAT That is very inconsiderate to tell someone what to do Do it Yourself. I never asked anyone to do anything at my wedding
This is a challenging situation. On the one hand, it was audacious of her to assume you could take this on. So, declining to help because of work could be related to her tactfully. If you do this, be generous with your apologies for not being able to help, and be sure your gift and card are just a little bit better than they would have been if you were to help with the plants.
Another way to handle this is to tell her about your work, but let her know you can carry “X” number of plants in your car, if that will help her with her plans. If it seems she expects you to place the plants where she wants them, be sure to ask her for a diagram of the hall so you can do your best to place them where she wants them. Then buy some thin (cheap) plastic sheeting to protect the seats of your car from wet plant stains.
Note: in neither scenario did I recommend you confront your friend about her arrogance and assumptions. Even though she should have asked you if you could, or would, help, don’t return her lack of good manners.
I would say if it is in the line of work you do professionally to sit her down and say, Look there is a conflict of interest. This is what I do for a living. I’ll be glad to do it BUT I would have to consider it work and thus charge you, I will charge you less than I would at other events but still.
If you have made the comment…If I can help you let me know? This is her way of answering you. If you really won’t have time to do the task of transporting…ask her if she has a male friend that might could handle this for you. I do weddings and men are much better at going and picking things up like this….good luck
If you’re in the wedding party, you need to suck it up and do your duty because you agreed to be her support system for the day. .
If NOT, then just be honest with her and tell her it’s not workable for you and likely will cause more problems than not, because your day is too booked.
I don’t know what you mean by “free labour” do you expect to be paid for this?
I think that she should have politely asked you if you would be able to help with a few things and tell you what she needs help with. I don’t like the brides that dump a bunch of crap on their bridesmaids and just expect them to do it because she said so.
i would call her and say “are you asking me to do that plants? ” if you really don’t mind doing it, then just say yes that’s fine, but that she hurt your feeling by not asking. simple as that. if you don’t want to, then don’t. it was rude of her to assume, so I’d probably say no, if I wasn’t that close.
yea i don’t like how some brides start to equate bridesmaid with slave…. they can still ASK for help, say PLEASE, and most importantly say THANK YOU!!!! it seems like she missed something in here… like the asking part! how about is there another “task” on the list that you would be better able to do? maybe something that is closer to teh wedding time or after the wedding so your work schedule isn’t interupted? might be easier going if you ask her to switch tasks then just cancelling. but either way, she didn’t even ask… i’d let her know in some way your unhappy and would of appreciated being asked first and that this task does not work well for you.
It’s not really right that she assumed you would help. She should have asked you first. However, when you accept being in someone’s wedding, you usually accept that you are going to have to help that day…which may me taking off of work even for a half a day.
Just tell her with your work schedual you are unable to ‘volunteer’ for the task…she will have to find some one else….if she fusses politely point out that you have cost-of-living expenses and she does not supply your paycheck…your job does.
Since you don’t mention being in the bridal party…the above advice goes double…good luck. She sounds like trouble
Well what did you agree or offer up to do?
If your offer was not to transport plants, then state that you work that day and can only do so much, so she’ll have to find another transporter.