Who is in the wrong here? Me or my friend?
lisa asked:
Okay, so background. My best friend Kate has another best friend Sandi. Me and Kate have been friends since we were little, but we never went to the same school. Sandi and Kate became best friends in middle school and went to the same high school. How it ALWAYS went was Kate and Sandi hung out during the school year, and me and Kate hung out every day (literally, every day) in the summer because we are members of the same beach club. And that would go on to every night as well. We haven’t been members of the beach club for 2-3 years, but we still always hung out all the time, we were basically inseparable in the summer. Except this summer, I haven’t seen her in weeks, which is fine, because friends drift apart when they go to college. But she sees Sandi every day. And then last week me and Kate made plans to go to the beach tomorrow, she wrote it in her planner and everything and said she had no other plans.
And now, a at 830 at night, she is telling me ‘I can’t go to the beach because I have to go to Sandi’s friend’s BBQ tomorrow.’ When she already canceled plans for her grandma’s birthday to come to the beach with me. So I said, “you have to go to Sandi’s friend’s pool party?” And she said, “I completely forgot, Sandi just reminded me, this has been planned for a month.” So I said, “It’s fine, you see Sandi every day and you haven’t seen me in weeks but go.” And she says “You can’t be mad, this has been planned for a month.” So I say, “It obviously wasn’t too important to you if you forgot about it and it wasn’t even in your planner.” (She writes everything in her planner.) And now I’m not calling her until she apologizes. Another thing she’s famous for, is I ask her to spend 8$ to go mini golfing with our mutual friend that we haven’t seen in about a year and she says she’s broke, meanwhile she’s texting me telling me about the cute shorts she just bought. Am I wrong to be pissed?
No.. we never went to the same school… grammar school… high school… college… and we stayed close through all of it. we’re in our third year of college and this just started happening this year.
And she doesn’t think anything’s wrong with it. In her eyes, we’re still ‘best friends’ because we text eachother all day long.
PJ-
Okay, so background. My best friend Kate has another best friend Sandi. Me and Kate have been friends since we were little, but we never went to the same school. Sandi and Kate became best friends in middle school and went to the same high school. How it ALWAYS went was Kate and Sandi hung out during the school year, and me and Kate hung out every day (literally, every day) in the summer because we are members of the same beach club. And that would go on to every night as well. We haven’t been members of the beach club for 2-3 years, but we still always hung out all the time, we were basically inseparable in the summer. Except this summer, I haven’t seen her in weeks, which is fine, because friends drift apart when they go to college. But she sees Sandi every day. And then last week me and Kate made plans to go to the beach tomorrow, she wrote it in her planner and everything and said she had no other plans.
And now, a at 830 at night, she is telling me ‘I can’t go to the beach because I have to go to Sandi’s friend’s BBQ tomorrow.’ When she already canceled plans for her grandma’s birthday to come to the beach with me. So I said, “you have to go to Sandi’s friend’s pool party?” And she said, “I completely forgot, Sandi just reminded me, this has been planned for a month.” So I said, “It’s fine, you see Sandi every day and you haven’t seen me in weeks but go.” And she says “You can’t be mad, this has been planned for a month.” So I say, “It obviously wasn’t too important to you if you forgot about it and it wasn’t even in your planner.” (She writes everything in her planner.) And now I’m not calling her until she apologizes. Another thing she’s famous for, is I ask her to spend 8$ to go mini golfing with our mutual friend that we haven’t seen in about a year and she says she’s broke, meanwhile she’s texting me telling me about the cute shorts she just bought. Am I wrong to be pissed?
No.. we never went to the same school… grammar school… high school… college… and we stayed close through all of it. we’re in our third year of college and this just started happening this year.
And she doesn’t think anything’s wrong with it. In her eyes, we’re still ‘best friends’ because we text eachother all day long.
PJ-
The shorts/mini golf thing was just 1 example. This has happened more than once.
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hmmmmmmm This is your version only- so what it looks like to me is – it’s time to maybe let go. Friends come into our lives for a reason and then they leave. If you are in high school but don’t go to the same school you eventually loose what you had in common. Sounds like she is movin on and you should do the same. However if she does call and apologize of want to do something with you then who knows maybe I am wrong
Dont be p***d, its sad that your friend has matured into someone who is not a good friend. Life throws these things at us and that way we can pick up on other pseudo friends as life goes on. I am not sure she is likely to contact you as her life has turned a couple of corners lately. Just be ‘busy’ if she speaks to you about going out together. Better luck in future
you’re right
but maybe she’s not your friend any longer, at least, your best friend. she found a new one, thus leaving you in the dust while trying to make it appear like she didn’t leave you
she’s leaving you in the dust…bite it and spit it at her tracks as you go the other way
UNLESS you guys talk a lot outside of this example
but yea…you’re right
It sounds like she feels obilgated to go to the bigger event. The fact that she’s texting you about shorts shows she means well. I think you have a right to be upset, but I think you should try to let it go. If it keeps happening then I would question the friendship, but this sounds like a misdemenor. Try not to take it to heart..:)
Well, I’d say that she is in the wrong in retrospect to the fact that she made an appointment to do something with you and then cancelled at the last minute but in regards to the $8 thing, it’s her money and she can do whatever she wants with it. just because you wanted her to spend it on minigolf doesn’t mean she had to. Furthermore, she might not have even had the money at the time and it is possible that her parents lended her the money to buy the shorts.
I hope this clears things up a little.
Well let me tell you, your story sounds all to familiar to me, I had a similar problem with one of my friends. She is wrong, but I think you should drift from her for awhile. I had to do that with two of my friends one I have known since I was 8 years old (20years!!!!) & the other since I was 13. Both of them have did something like what you explained happened to you to me. I ended up just dropping them as friends for a year or two and we have reconnected and we’re good now.
Stop making plans with her, if she initiates and still stands you up or cancel then really drop her for awhile.
nobody’s wrong but if it was me I’d be a little bit pissed off
I’m agreeing with others that it is time to let this friend go. She broke her first priority to her grandmother, then she broke her second priority to you, her long-term friend… all for a friend of a friend’s BBQ. Her priorities are clearly with this other girl. You may want to hold off on the constant texting too. Sorry, but it sounds like this girl is just drifting apart from you, and all you have is a texting friend.