Who’s in the wrong here? Me or my friend?
Long story short– my best friend Kate has another best friend Sandi. Both Sandi and I have been best friends with Kate basically our entire lives. At least ten years or so. (We’re 20) Anyway, Kate always would divide her time equally between the two of us. The school year she hung around with Sandi more because they always went to the same school, and in the summer she hung around with me more because we work together and live closer to eachother. So this summer, she literally has been hanging out with Sandi every day and I haven’t seen her since Memorial Day weekend when we went to the beach for the whole. So anyway, we made plans to go to the beach tomorrow about a week ago. She wrote it in her planner (she writes everything in her planner) and said she had no other plans. Then yesterday she found out she had her grandma’s birthday so she told me she couldn’t come. Fine, understandable. I’m not going to make you miss your grandma’s birthday. But then she said she would rather go to
the beach and told her dad to tell her grandma she had work. So I said that’s fine too, and the plans were back on. Now, she is teling me she can’t come because she has to go to Sandi’s friend’s BBQ. So then:
Me: “You have to go to your friend’s friend’s BBQ?”
Her: “Well this has been planned for over a month
& I completely forgot! Sandi just reminded me. If I canceled I would be ditching her.”
Me: “Well, now you’re ditching me. It’s fine. You see Sandi every day and haven’t seen me in weeks but you can go to your friend’s friend’s BBQ.”
Her: “You can’t be mad, this has been planned for over a month.”
Me: “It obviously wasn’t that important to you if you forgot about it and it wasn’t even written in your planner.”
Who’s right here? Even though it was planned longer, she forgot about it. And she cancelled going out to dinner for her GRANDMA’S BIRTHDAY but she can’t cancel this?
PS. I’m not interested in answers saying “friends drift apart…” because you don’t know our friendship. I’m just interested in who you think is wrong, and why.
I guess I should also say, she also said “I would much rather go to the beach with you but I have to go, it has been planned for over a month.”
Like…. If you would rather go to the beach, then come to the beach. I’m sure your friend Sandi will be okay at her friend’s BBQ without you.
And I understand that friends drift.. but she is swearing on her dead mother’s grave that I am still her ‘best friend’ and she doesn’t mean to not hang out with me, it just happens and she can’t control it.
lou lou-
I get along with Sandi but we are in no way friends. I like her, but we just don’t know eachother very well. We never went to the the same school and we live in different towns and I’ve only met her a handful of times.
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I’m sorry, what was the question?
I guess Kate’s in the wrong but she’s stuck in the middle of her two best friends. Do you not get on with Sandi? Why can’t you all go out together instead of making Kate choose between you?
well why cant all of yall hang out and get along?
Kate should go to her Gramdmother’s birthday, no questions….I don’t care what is written in the planner..family first….why do you guys not all hang out together if the three of you are friends? Seems like there is something more to this story than being told.
WHY DO YOU SEEM TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS. SEEM LIKE A COUPLE 2 ME. YOY ARE TOO DEMANDING OF HER TIME OMG U R MESSING AROUND WITH A WOMAN. I AM LIKING THIS TOO MUCH ROFL
I’m going through this right now with my bf. She’s getting ready to get engagged to the dude I hooked her up with and I don’t see her hardly anymore…
Answer: You’re both wrong.
Friends are friends. She’s wrong for not being considerate of your time and as a friend, not spending time with you since you are BF.
But at the same time you are wrong too. We all need to forgive each other when someone slights us. You’re right to want to spend time with her and see she’s spending time with someone else, but at the same time, true friends must remember to be understanding of each other, not jealous (not saying that it still doesn’t happen). But at the same time, babe, this may be an oppurtunity to widen out, because friendships constantly change and so do you… this is just the begining of things like this. Widen out…
But true friends always come back around.
Yes …..l think your friend is in the wrong……….
She does not truly know that you .her best friend….has feelings as well….. and is hurting……………..
l think you may well need to have a chat with her and find out wether she truly values your friendship.
l believe you do…but does she…..time to bring it out in the open.
well, you know both of you are kinda being unfair to eachother. your kinda forcing her between her best friends, but she said she could go to the beach and even wrote it in her planner.
so, try to schedule something else, and if she comes up with another excuse, then she is most probably blowing you off and somethings wrong between you and her.
It also sounds like you and Sandi need to get toghether and do something, try to bond or become friends, then you can all hang out together and you won’t have this problem to begin with
I know you want to know who was right and who was wrong. But, it’s really not about who was right and who was wrong. The problem here is that everyone has feelings. Yours have been hurt because you feel like your friend ditched you to do something else. And you haven’t seen her much lately and you’re probably wondering if the friendship is as solid as you’d like it to be.
I can understand why you feel hurt. No one wants to be blown off. I do see your point, she hangs out with her other friend all of the time and barely ever hangs out with you, so she should cancel those plans to be with you. I think I agree. Obviously she wouldn’t rather be with you or she’d go be with you. No one is going to shoot her if she doesn’t’ go to the BBQ (they probably won’t even really miss her).
She’s making excuses. I have no idea what her deal is, but she is indeed blowing you off. No matter what she SAYS, her actions speak louder than words. She obviously likes to spend time with her other friend more than she does you at this time in her life. Which doesn’t mean that that won’t change in the future (people change all the time).
Kates Wrong. She ditched you for someone she barely even knows (Sandies friend) not even Sandi herself. I feel that you have every right to be upset with her.
I would feel really bad too if I were you – it sounds like she’s making excuses. Maybe it’s time for a frank talk and see if you have done something to offend her? Can you all three do things together? You say you don’t know Sandi, but maybe you would like her if you go to know her. If your best friend likes her that much, and likes you that much, then I would think you would maybe get along. One thing you have in common – you are both friends with Kate.
Ouch, sorry but this is just wrong and she is doing what she WANTS to do.. You already know this and your feeling dissed… Yet she is your friend and your best one and she confirmed that with you. So you let it go and file that for the future and know that the next time you make plans with her, remind her say “hey now, you are sure you have nothing else planned right?” I am sure she is feeling badly about this but sometimes friends screw up and being a true friend allows you to forgive but we sometimes don’t always forget.
Best of luck!
Hey have fun at the beach!!!
she is wrong, and should go with you. Obviously she doesn’t want to or she would because it is only Sandi’s friend’s barbecue, whereas your plan was a whole TRIP.