Who’s in the wrong here? Me or my friend?
lisa asked:
Long story short– my best friend Kate has another best friend Sandi. Both Sandi and I have been best friends with Kate basically our entire lives. At least ten years or so. (We’re 20) Anyway, Kate always would divide her time equally between the two of us. The school year she hung around with Sandi more because they always went to the same school, and in the summer she hung around with me more because we work together and live closer to eachother. So this summer, she literally has been hanging out with Sandi every day and I haven’t seen her since Memorial Day weekend when we went to the beach for the whole. So anyway, we made plans to go to the beach tomorrow about a week ago. She wrote it in her planner (she writes everything in her planner) and said she had no other plans. Then yesterday she found out she had her grandma’s birthday so she told me she couldn’t come. Fine, understandable. I’m not going to make you miss your grandma’s birthday. But then she said she would rather go to
the beach and told her dad to tell her grandma she had work. So I said that’s fine too, and the plans were back on. Now, she is teling me she can’t come because she has to go to Sandi’s friend’s BBQ. So then:
Me: “You have to go to your friend’s friend’s BBQ?”
Her: “Well this has been planned for over a month
& I completely forgot! Sandi just reminded me. If I canceled I would be ditching her.”
Me: “Well, now you’re ditching me. It’s fine. You see Sandi every day and haven’t seen me in weeks but you can go to your friend’s friend’s BBQ.”
Her: “You can’t be mad, this has been planned for over a month.”
Me: “It obviously wasn’t that important to you if you forgot about it and it wasn’t even written in your planner.”
Long story short– my best friend Kate has another best friend Sandi. Both Sandi and I have been best friends with Kate basically our entire lives. At least ten years or so. (We’re 20) Anyway, Kate always would divide her time equally between the two of us. The school year she hung around with Sandi more because they always went to the same school, and in the summer she hung around with me more because we work together and live closer to eachother. So this summer, she literally has been hanging out with Sandi every day and I haven’t seen her since Memorial Day weekend when we went to the beach for the whole. So anyway, we made plans to go to the beach tomorrow about a week ago. She wrote it in her planner (she writes everything in her planner) and said she had no other plans. Then yesterday she found out she had her grandma’s birthday so she told me she couldn’t come. Fine, understandable. I’m not going to make you miss your grandma’s birthday. But then she said she would rather go to
the beach and told her dad to tell her grandma she had work. So I said that’s fine too, and the plans were back on. Now, she is teling me she can’t come because she has to go to Sandi’s friend’s BBQ. So then:
Me: “You have to go to your friend’s friend’s BBQ?”
Her: “Well this has been planned for over a month
& I completely forgot! Sandi just reminded me. If I canceled I would be ditching her.”
Me: “Well, now you’re ditching me. It’s fine. You see Sandi every day and haven’t seen me in weeks but you can go to your friend’s friend’s BBQ.”
Her: “You can’t be mad, this has been planned for over a month.”
Me: “It obviously wasn’t that important to you if you forgot about it and it wasn’t even written in your planner.”
Who’s right here? Even though it was planned longer, she forgot about it. And she cancelled going out to dinner for her GRANDMA’S BIRTHDAY but she can’t cancel this?
PS. I’m not interested in answers saying “friends drift apart…” because you don’t know our friendship. I’m just interested in who you think is wrong, and why.
I guess I should also say, she also said “I would much rather go to the beach with you but I have to go, it has been planned for over a month.”
Like? If you would rather go to the beach, then come to the beach. I’m sure your friend Sandi will be okay at her friend’s BBQ without you.
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Get more friends.
Your definately right here; these seem like signs of neglect. I bet that if you said you don’t want to be friends anymore, she would be upset, but willing to let you go.
Sorry, she does not sound a particularly loyal friend. And it sounds like she’s hangs out with who ever is ‘flavour of the month’.
No one’s wrong. You were angry because you wanted to spend time with her. (To be honest, I think she prefers to go with Sandi. — I think, according to your description.)
But I also think that this is a sort of misunderstanding. There might be an another reason why she’ll go there. Just understand her and she will understand you.
don’t get up set about it just for get it . In the lone run she should of gone to her g-mother b-day when her grandmother is no longer their she will think about it .Life is to short
it’s hard tourble . we need more details .
but untill now your friend
Hi friend,
Actually the real right thing here is where Kate’s heart belongs at that moment. Meaning, it’s where Kate wants to go. Would you have her coming with you, but deep inside she wants to be with Sandi? If she spends everyday with Sandi and if that’s really what she wants, she has every right to do so as well. Bottomline, the choice is hers. The last thing you need to do is to put up that “jealous face”. By doing that you’re making her dislike you even more. I understand your disappointment. You’r hurt, but more important you’re jealous because she seems to prefer Sandi’s company than you. My advise is to have a heart to heart talk with her. Tell her about your disappointment, tell her about how hurt you are, but after letting out your steam, walk away from it. Believe me, this approach is much, much better than demanding that she hangs out with you. By telling her everything, you are actually passing the “burden” to her. For the meantime, try to expand your social circle by making new friends. Kate will still be your friend, but if you have other groups as well, then it won’t matter if she’s hanging out with Sandi more.
i think the promblem is that you like her other freaind but not as much as you like her. i think you need to make a new freainds and spaned time you can not live in each other pockets,